On the first Tuesday of each month I meet with a group of men in the ministry to worship, fellowship, and sharpen our minds for the Gospel ministry. Two days ago we studied the book of Philemon and sought to answer this question: “What can the Apostle Paul’s letter to Philemon say to us about counseling our people toward Gospel obedience?” For the sake of streamlining this post, I simply want to include the conclusions we drew from our study. My prayer is that this may help you be an effective counselor to your friends and family members who need wisdom from God’s powerful Word:
- Start with intercessory prayer. Every counselor who desires to see a change in the life of the counselee should be in prayer for God to do a great work of grace in his heart. Prayer expresses dependence on God, confidence in God, and love for God. Any change that is accomplished apart from God’s gracious work is meaningless and self-glorifying. Hence, let us appeal to God for Him to do His work His way in the hearts of His people.
- Acknowledge the grace of God in the counselee’s life. It is an easy mistake for the counselor to exhort and admonish the counselee without encouraging and comforting him. When a counselee hears words of Gospel comfort and appropriate praise he can rightly say, “God is at work in my life!” Counsel is best given in a relationship of mutual respect and affection. Sadly, we are often prone to delete terms of endearment and personal encouragement and go right to correction and rebuke. In doing that, we delete grace and mercy.
- Make appeals rather than commands. It is more winsome in the short-term and successful in the long-term to plead with the counselee on the basis of Gospel-grace than to command them on the basis of law. Pleading targets heart obedience, then behavior change. Commanding often targets outward obedience and results in an unchanged, calloused heart.
- Believe in the transforming power of the Gospel. Counseling problems sometimes look insurmountable. A feeling of defeat can overcome the counselee and the counselor. So it is absolutely necessary to go back to foundation of the Gospel and remember that it is the power of God unto salvation for everyone who believes. Realizing that “if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation, the old has gone and the new has come” is critical!
- Prepare excellently for personal counsel. Pray. Read. Study. Think. Write notes. The more wisdom you can bring to the counselee the greater chance he has to grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ. So don’t just wing it. Instead, take the extra time to understand the issues, research biblical wisdom, and apply that wisdom to this specific situation.
- Know that counseling is most effective in the context of relationships and community. Where there is a legitimate friendship, there is trust. Where there is a vibrant community, there is support. Where there is time investment, there is counseling equity. On the flip side, shallow relationships produce distrust. And isolation cultivates darkness.
- Don’t become the counselee’s functional savior. It is not uncommon for counselee’s to look to the counselor for the things he should be looking to Jesus for. Instead of picking up the phone and talking to you for ten minutes everyday, he should talk to Jesus first. Instead of telling you all his struggles, he should cast his cares upon Jesus. Instead of seeking wisdom first from you, he should seek it from the Savior initially. So it is imperative that you consistently point your counselee to the sufficiency of Christ for victory in life.
People everywhere are hurting and confused. It is our great privilege to offer them Gospel-wisdom in a Gospel-tone accompanied with Gospel-power. Let’s do this!